I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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