escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
