I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
