This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
