Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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