The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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