apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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