fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
