What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
