i think i have herpe
just one?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
