Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
