i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
