i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
