used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
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Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
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I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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