Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
