we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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