I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
