After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
