you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
