I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My balls are so social today.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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