You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
