I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
