I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
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