Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
