I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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