I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just got carded by a ten year old.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
