Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actions speak louder than pants.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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