he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
