i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
