I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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