4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
