just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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