Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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