road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
