Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
