and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I need to calm my uterus...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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