Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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