tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm at about main and main street
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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