Define "chronic" masturbator.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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