I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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