he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
