i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
MIDGETS
????
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
