He asked me if I "almost moaned"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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