is this the sara with the beer cane?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
