went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
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