Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
