i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
