lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
