it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Randomize
