he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
