I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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