just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
PANTIES FOUND
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