....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize