This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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