i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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