Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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