So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
