he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Randomize
