I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
