glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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