I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
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the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
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Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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