Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Randomize
