A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
