We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
