So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
