Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
