That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
