Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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