It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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