I got chris browned last night
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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