Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
