After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
