No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
