I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
