Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
