so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
