I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
