can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
