Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
